We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
