Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
