When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
