Yo dont text me then not text me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
