I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
