so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
