I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want nice things and good sex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
