What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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