Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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