The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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