White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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