I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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