dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
