took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
