Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
