Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
