Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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