peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
