i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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