Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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