Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
