Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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