my soul wont recognize me after tonight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
