I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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