you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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