My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
