An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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