Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
