My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
