I wish my penis had an off switch
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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