you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
