I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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