He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
