Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
