Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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