Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
