Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
