Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick