You made me cry and you don't even care
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.