I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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