There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.