I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.