you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize