i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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