i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
