I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
