is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
