I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
