im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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