stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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