I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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