I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
