When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
