I wish they made helmets for livers.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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