i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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