so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize