hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
