If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
