I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
