I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
