HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
