that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize