just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
