I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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