Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
