we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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